Trapped

I sit here
A slave to your manipulation
Emotionally abused
Mentally raped
While you tell your lies to others
Your friends all think I’m crazy
While you look as if to be
The sane and calm one
You and your friends
Make fun of me
Making jokes on me
I feel I need to hide from you
I wish I could go far away
Somewhere you can’t find me
Will I ever escape the hell
You put me through
I thought divorce would end it all
But even after divorce
Your abuse still reigns
I feel like I’ve lost control
My will to live
My strength
My hope
My faith…
Will I ever find love
Or will I always be the crazy insane one
While you remain the sane calm one
Yet, always the victim
To my manipulation????

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How I Survived My Controlling Ex-Husband

I know I don’t have bipolar disorder
Just once the wife of one who suffered
With the mental illness
The racing thoughts
I knew he had
The spending sprees he went on
Left his family severely in debt
Had to beg anyone from friends and family
To the church to help with rent
So we weren’t left destitute and homeless
The many moves he felt he had to do
So many places he thought were paradise
But it only lasted a few months
And he was ready to move again
Romance was naught
As he looked elsewhere
For companionship
As well as lovers
Felt I was not worth his time
For romantic interludes in bed
I longed for the love I thought he’d give
But it was all a fantasy
He never wished to fulfill
So romance was put on the shelf
While he claimed to want to find himself
He played with his women til he was finished with them
Then came back to me, the dutiful wife
As I soon grew tired of his straying
I knew he wasn’t going to change
So dissolution of marriage,
Much like the dissolution of our love,
We ended the marriage
He will always be in my heart
Even just a wee bit
That’s just the way things go
When a child is brought into the fix
Now I live my life alone
But I’d rather be alone
Than to live that way again
The pain of wanting his touch
Yet, never receiving any
Is something I’ve be happy to live without
I’ll be an independent person
Live my life on my own terms